One more week-- whatever a "week" means...

So, today I begin the last last week, here in my hometown, before I head off again on a brand new adventure. It is funny how much easier it is to admit certain things hidden deep inside me before I'm about to leave them. Not just to others; but to myself. I've always, always vowed to be 100% honest with myself, even if I do not speak it aloud. I vow to feel it and know it, and be conscious of the truth no matter what mask I might wear to hide it.
So with this vow I have to admit that there was shame so deep in me I don't think I was conscious of. I never liked being back here. Especially in comparison to where I was last year. And I feel shame for that. I feel shame for feeling shame for that.

Even through my first year in music school in '07, I was searching for other things. I loved singing and performing and being able to express my thoughts guiltlessly, thanks to the music, and being able to give the audience an entire feeling behind it with the music. But behind the scenes I was still searching for something else. I remember my unfinished Harmony homework staring at me, nagging at me, while I sat at the computer Googling "UFO files" and "Extraterrestrial encounters". If you saw pictures of me when I was little, it is evident that my little fascination with the "unknown" started from a very early age. What intrigued me most about the prospect of aliens was that if they were out there, I figured they probably knew a whole lot more than we Earthlings know, and I wanted to know it all. Ahem, I want to know it all. And if no one on Earth has answers, maybe someone somewhere else does.
Halfway through my first semester, I came across a movie producer and writer on a website on the paranormal, who introduced me to publisher in the UK currently launching a new magazine called AlienWorlds. I sent him a draft article, awaited his critique, and to my amazement landed my very first publishing. Before I knew it, I was in Los Angeles at a UFO conference, talking with other investigators, authors, teachers, etc. etc, researching and gathering material for my next article.
I explored a few other avenues of the entertainment industry after that, but eventually found myself at home-base for some much needed rest, to recollect my thoughts, and decide what my next adventure will be.
It's been a year now since traveling, but so far staying at home as been the most profound journey of all. I've come to know myself and this "world" around me a hell of a lot more transparently than I ever imagined. And with that I feel even more fearless about what's to come.