KEEPING UP YOUR PMA EVEN DURING A CRISIS SITUATION

"One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”

Entry 01/04/10 I just had to write down my expierences from the past 3 weeks.

One week before Christmas my Grandfather had his 3rd heart attack. It was a Friday, I was at work all day and I didn't find out about it 'til later that evening. I was having such a good day and was about to have friends come over for a get together. My grandfather was with my grandma (married 53 years) at the movie theatre that afternoon. The movie hadn't started, there was one other couple in the theatre. My grandfather takes these fast acting pain reliever pills any time he has any sort of discomfort. My grandma says he lifted his left arm up to place the pills under his tounge and that was when he quickly slumped over and had cardiac arrest. That image is one that my grandma says she has a hard time forgetting. The woman that was sitting in front of my grandparents turned out to be a teacher of CPR. Also, for whatever reason my grandparents that day decided to go to a different movie house then the one they normally choose to go too. The theatre they were at had an Emergency Rescue on staff that were to my grandpas side within mins. Coincidence????
They pounded his chest several times and at lightning speed had him in a helicopter flying over the Salt Lake Valley to the hospital. My grandma had to drive herself after the incident over to the hospital alone, my heart aches when I think about how hard that must of been.
It was about 8 pm that evening when my dad called to tell me about what had happend. My grandpa hadn't woken up since. There was not much I could do at that point. I had a lot to do the next day at work, the plan was for me to still go to work unless my dad called with new news.
That night my grandpas heart stopped twice. The hospital called my grandma over night and told her to get up there fast. My dad called me and said "Hey, don't go into work today, you need to come down to the hospital to be with the family, but you won't get to see your grandpa." I hadn't slept well, very emotional, and being in this frequency which was very unusual for me made me think the absolute worse and think that my grandfather had passed.... I called into work and told my boss that he had died. When I got to the hospital and met up with my family, I soon realized that he wasn't gone, my grandma just didnt want any of the grandkids to see him. From what I heard it was real bad that first day. They had to lower his temperature for reasons to help his brain because they weren't sure if he had a lot of damage cause they couldn't quite evaluate how long he may of been with out oxygen to the brain, he was shivering on the bed violently.... The doctors actually asked my grandma if she wanted them to keep trying to save his life.....
It went about 2 days of him remaining stable, but with no real positive signs of coming out of it. It wasn't until I believe Tuesday that I was able to see him. They had been lowering the sedation because they wanted him to wake up so they could evaluate him,.. When I walked into the room I had a real hard time, he wasn't peacefully laying still, it seemed he was in severe pain, he kept shaking his head back and forth and making cringing faces, he had a tube down his throat, he kept gaging, literally 20 different types of ivs going out of him, and his heart rate was at 144, it was awful........ I had to leave the room cause I almost fainted.
Wednesday I had been at the hospital all day in the waiting room, comforting all my family members, trying my hardest to lift everyones spirits. Watching all my cousins, aunts, uncles, dad, brother, grandma, one by one come out from the hospital room teary eyed with such heavy hearts. It was such a looooong waiting game.
"Joy is a heart full and a mind purified by gratitude."
Despite everything I HAD to focus and realize all the things I should be greatful for. What if my grandpa went into cardiac arrest 20 mins sooner when he was driving on the freeway with my grandma to the movie theatre??!!
After a long day at the hospital, my dad and I left to go get some dinner. We were winding down a bit, when not to long after my uncle called up my dad and told him to get back to hospital, the nuerologist came to talk to us and we need to make a decision, things are not looking good is what he said.
My Uncle didn't want my dad to tell me anything, but of course I couldn't handle him leaving me without giving me an update........ The nuerologist said that my grandpa should of woke up by now, we believe there must be brain damage.
My grandfather has always made it known that he didn't want to be a vegetable.I knew what they were going to be discussing. They were debating on if they should keep trying to bring him back...... I sat in the restaurant for about 2 1/2 hours, motionless, in a daze, my ears had not stopped ringing for some time. Finally I drove home. Once I spoke with my dad, I was comforted by the fact that they hadn't made any decisions, and that they felt that it wasn't time to give up and that we just needed to wait it out.
The next day was Christmas, I woke up to news that he was showing signs of waking up. He had his eyes open and he was looking around. He wasn't speaking though. You could ask him yes or no questions and he would shake his head up or down. I went in there the first time and had a hard time keeping it together, and had to leave. I was mad at myself for not being able to keep from crying, and I felt bad because I didn't want my grandpa to see me sad cause I didn't want him to be sad. I sat in the waiting room recooperating. My dad went in next and came back out and said "He is talking everybody, he's talking." I was taken back, "Really?"
I got to go back into the hospital room and he looked at me and said I love you, I love you, I love you. Thats not something that my family usually says but we definately show it. It was so amazing, he was so sincere, was speaking from the heart. Egoless. He kept saying there is to much hate in this world. He told everyone everything that he always held back. It was the best Christmas ever. Made me trully realize just how special your families are. Even if you have a something in your past, If you can just forgive, I know it won't change your past but it will without a doubt enlarge your future.
I believe it just wasn't his time. He got released yesterday and is home. Even though the past 3 weeks have been very eventful, I FEEL stronger.
That whole week leading up to this point had been such a rollercoaster of emotions. Things went from my believing he had died, to he is stable, to he has brain damage, to they might be pulling the plug, to he is awake, and finally he is home. :)